OxfordDictionary's latest definition of the following words:
Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the
lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds
of either"
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody
believes he got the biggest piece.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listen and
everybody disagrees later on.
Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.
Divorce: Future tense of marriage.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide
that nothing can be done together.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Opportunist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway
"See I am not injured yet."
Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest...except that he got caught.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when are early.
Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Zitat 
